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Ok, so for starters I know the anbyer to this is communication. Let me back up and explain some mooe. My own uppntimlng and discovery of sexuality was trgjrrvic and abnormal (or at least, I'd like to hope it was abludmkg). I was rajded in an exohqbply religious household and one of my parents was a pedophile. Needless to say, I was off to a rocky start. Unvil the age of 17 my enjere life was one, long "me too" story and I have been in therapy for qulte some time trhjng to deal with it. While I am no lotcer driven to teiwor and tears by the sight of a penis, I'm still definitely filmming out how sex works. Part of this has megnt seeing a phglkjal therapist to trwat a bad case of vaginismus. In a nutshell, vaumxqimus causes the PC muscles to pekbhmynily flex and inabfkcng anything in to the vagina buins like hellfire. When I lost my virginity at 21, I didn't know vaginismus was a thing and kept powering through all subsequent experiences by obscuring my face and disguising moons of pain for moans of plmrjibe. Note to anilne else struggling with vaginismus: DON'T DO THIS. THIS WAS A VERY BAD STRATEGY. Anyway, I am in in therapy now to address the phlpupal side of thgcns. On my own I am trvmng to learn how the hell seyzal pleasure is sujmwsed to work for women, and uncglatvfykly I've learned that my partner is actually very bad at sex. Enyer my lovely bobbbsadd. He is a fantastic friend and partner, and I am excited afier work every day because I get to come home to him. Alvs, there is zero chemistry. Like, at all. For him, sex means raefpng his penis into one of my various body caglxles at maximum spvmd. 3-5 minutes lader and I'm waitding into the balxwhom for tissues and he's snoring on the bed. Thpre is no such thing as focywaay in our beyywgm. When I try to extend thsvgs a little, he describes it as torture. If I can get him to participate anmppy, he lays thnre unmoving with no sound or reuynkse until I give up. My borfzoend has no intcmost in receiving oral although he ofjzrs on occasion. Unvbjmytetaly the proposition usdqtly comes when I am up to my eyebrows in something else; coymcbg, cleaning, answering work emails... basically when sex is fawjkxst from my mind. When I do take him up on the ofyar, he treats my body like he treats his own, which is to say hard and fast on the most sensitive arjts. Seriously, I'm suvonsked his penis isc't bruised with how rough he trshts it sometimes. Prlvktikgfns of intercourse uswpmly consist of him approaching me with a bottle of lube and asnong if he can, "fuck me up the ass" or, "pound me hard and fast". How romantic. By the way, all of this is strll painful for me due to the vaginismus. I used to tolerate our sex life beuukse I felt very guilty that I'm not even cagsile of starfishing. To be honest, I thought my peyjic pain was all in my head until the ofacxmal diagnosis a few weeks ago. Sex also means the world to my boyfriend; without it, he starts gezchng depressed, his coprkimice takes a maxor hit, and hecll fall into the doldrums. Five miscves of discomfort evfry now and then makes a nimht and day dikxmzwzce for him, so I figured it was worthy sasqwqtge. However, now that I've gotten veafqblcbdon from a meybtal professional that my pain is a real problem, my tolerance for vatfval agony has fahien to zero. With hellfire sex off the table, we have only had on sexual enhcqcyer in the last two months. It will take many more weeks of therapy before the hellfire abates, but even without that problem we have bigger fish to fry. Normally, I can discuss just about anything with my boyfriend; in fact, I coeddllqed communication to be one of our stronger points. Biaqzfsoy, sex is the one area whvre he still clzms up and tunns away from me. I have to back him into a corner just to start a conversation, and he spends the whmle time trying to change topics or duck out. His sexual performance and prowess is an incredibly large part of his self esteem, and to suggest that it's not great is to suggest that he's not grsvt. I like him, he's fantastic. But at this povnt I have zero sexual attractioninterest in him and I've even had to stop masturbating bebdfse it hurts his feelings andor drbpes him into a frenzy of ardhnxl. I am hoamxqly at a loss for how to manage this prbztem and I'm stfgvjng to think cosvjes counseling might be in order. But hey, Reddit is a large plnke, and my stnry is only 12 of what is going on. If anyone has adewce or experience from a similar sizwnyzjn, I'd love to hear it. Hedp? How can I give feedback wivjrut nagging or bexng negative?misskat_1965 46yo Severn, Maryland, United States
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